From all the pieces I wrote here, this beautiful mess was formed. Had to crane my neck every which way to read the words but totally worth it. This is probably my favourite part of New Year’s Eve.
I was happy to see you, so I said hello to someone else when you were in earshot.
Did the same thing when I wanted to say goodbye for good.
You never asked how I got through it all but I wanted you to be proud of me, even a little happy for me because of the days I’ve had, even when I said it to them I really hope you heard.
I wanted you to know that I was swimming upstream with all I had in me,
Hey you illuminated celestial rock, tell me what it’s like to be there for a million years, I’m very new here.
Tell me what it was like when the ground I walk on now was just molten lava, tell me stories of mankind before it even existed. I long to know something no else does, right now I know nothing.
If I tell you my secrets, will you tell me how The Great Wall of China looks from there? Is it sad and alone like you? Please share my secrets with some other person in the future, tell them I existed.
Carry this feeling, I feel the heaviness of all the people that looked at you and took nights for granted, I don’t want to do that anymore.
We’re two shapes that fit perfectly. Don’t you see?
I was reading something mathematical and got bored, so I wrote this. It’s related to the last post about puzzle pieces and geometry in a very abstract sense. Also, it made me think about going in circles. How those circles turn into spirals and we can’t seem to get out of them. This has a very ‘i will save you/some superhero’ vibe to it and I hope it does save a certain someone, hehe.
Thank you for stopping by. Glad to have this intersection. Have a great weekend ahead! (:
A little caterpillar on a big oak tree, Falling in love with the hide and see, (finding the best spot for shade, blending in with the bark, making a small mark). Turning over a new leaf Or at least trying, adding belief. Tumbling from branches, hitting the ground, Life’s great adventure lies in playing around. (No creature could have been stiller when it came to pursuing the big dreams)?
Inching to crawl, Hearing the call, (Beyond words and thoughts, it was coming) Something so deep, A cry to evolve, a deafening weep. (A dance within, change was looming in place).
With another slither, The cocoon whispered, “come hither” Everything became s l o w, Sky and sight disappeared. (All was blank, in this blanket’s show).
over time
Hugging its skin like gentle fluff, The cocoon became soothing, Breaking the warmth, becoming rough, Cold air brushed the new body – blooming. Like a flower that came to life, Testing its wings like they were petals, The butterfly took a flight, A new world went into view, The flapping wings appeared blue, Something ineffable, only divine, As if nothing could take away its sun-kissed shine, It floated over the trees, Tasting nature’s nectar, finally free. Ready to make another leap, Fear started to weep. The adrenaline of truly being alive, Was such a magical dive. Something inside was afraid fear would arrive, But through a smile of the eyes, And a breath of love, So many more surprises Awaited these wings delicately above.
incessantly I threw a ball against the wall you’d become. brought in heavy machinery to atleast tear it down. you told me home is where you were and I took that to my heart. the closer, the closer I got no place came in sight only obstacles did. when I exhausted myself I drew graffiti the best one I could and turned my back to you I never thought I would but I really needed to go home. a home. I just don’t know where yet.
a hand that you used to hold tight and knew like yours felt the strength of traced the lines of, front and back slipped from your fingers like sand like time it’s too late now to get it back because you doubted, suspected that it wasn’t holding you but that it was holding you back.
this finding myself part should not be this hard as I am just right here.
(it’s only a few lines on a page, but they took forever to get just right.) I’m also delighted about how it kind of looks like a mask, sleeping with one eye open?
(like a kid loves a flower and tends to it who waits for it to bloom but then plucks it.
like a middle-aged woman who tries to decorate her empty nest but donates the extra furniture to get rid of all that emptiness.
like an octogenarian knitting new sweaters with her shaking fingers and fading memory by unraveling wool from old ones.)
…you think I do. for everyone, it’s different sometimes love can become a weakness.
the problem is you love me now for a wildness that can not be tamed. you love me in your spilling youth and right now even though I’ll never let you see it all I have is me right now I can’t share what’s left.
so I tried to experiment with colours here, WILD, right?!
it wasn’t like that before, the thorns on her bleeding heart were new. he gave her roses, she put them in her favourite vase, but like all good things that made her feel special, the flowers wilted too soon. the petals formed patterns on the floor, and the wind blew them away, nothing remained.
she wore her heart on her sleeve and kept the arteries in her pocket.
when it was time to throw out the stems and the grungy water, she got pin-pricks all over her, stained her perfectly dry-cleaned shirt.
it was a tale as old as time, as she tried to love someone worlds apart. that’s how she ended up with a badly stung heart.
The people who can just perfectly draw something on paper or digitally are THE COOLEST people ever. Here’s a little something I drew in the hopes of being that cool.
(The title worst-stung heart is from a prose piece by Mary Oliver in her book Upstream. Due to copyrights, I don’t know if I can include that here.)
Crystal clear glass panes gazing back at her with empty eyes, the concrete jungle bustles by whilst her lonesome spirit dies.
Reaching out for the reflective barrier in front of her, a certain numbness travels through her fingertips and makes its way to her soul; dimming the tolerance for mindless city chatter in a flourescent flickering that never sleeps.
Discontent reverberated through her cells, well-versed with the heedless world. Restlessness of the hive and way of life shadowed now, behind her. Cotton-candy clouds underneath, the plane wings splitting through a canopy of white to unveil itself as the thick atmosphere dissipates. Lowering and lowering, the plane wings glide through foreign tree tops, a green she had not yet been blessed to witness.
Stepping into the rustic air, the concrete on which her heels tap reminds her of the past heavier than the luggage she carries on her arm.
From one transport vehicle to the next, she makes her way to the hills. Entranced by the viridescent shimmer of conifers and sprouting weeds, from the pocket of her jeans, she swaps her hand to trace the rough exterior of the trees. None of the city maps could have led her here but she’ll need one to leave. Is that what it’s like to be free?
She lost herself betwixt ever changing leaves, heady among the trees. She wept joyously beneath the wild skies as she saw the stars shining brightly. They shone and debuted stories of ancient times. She pinched herself, she could not live an ordinary life with an undisclosed universe camouflaged from her eyes.
Towing her luggage she knew they wondered why she left, toher but an alien, to them an alien species to her. In this clearing she knew that they were not sharing light, the glaring hive was sharing fears.
– Amber + Aarushi (the Concrete Jungle Liberation squad)
Thank you so much for reading! Writing this was such a great experience, we hope you like this as much as we do. REM-AMBER that Love is the answer!
You whisper sweet somethings to me when I’m weak, You do the talking for me when I can’t speak.
The thought of you keeps me company, I find comfort even in your critique. Your soul upon mine, Melds into something unique.
What if love is more than emotions in its entirety? Maybe love is more than you and me entirely? The music of your aura is the answer, The force behind my smile, the dreamy dancer.
You’re still with me no matter my imperfection, It’s the beauty in the way you stay for my protection. Maybe we’ll meet in some other dimension, For now, you’re just my reflection. Standing in the mirror, revealing who I should be And loving this version that I see.
I am whole, you were my missing peace, I see you in me, I hear you within. Anchor your heart here and leave it down, You’ll always be there if I ever start to drown.
– Ace + Aarushi (the dreamy dancers)
I’m so excited to present this COLLABOR-ACE-TION with the one and only, Ace.
We had such a fun time writing this, hope you liked it too. Thank you so much for reading!
Hey everyone. This post is brought to you by Ace. I want to thank him for thinking of me and nominating me for this award. He’s an amazing-awesome-fearless person, a talented writer and an inspiration. If you like poetry, check out his blog! His poems have such an uplifting message of hope and self-love, which I love very much!
Create 7 unique questions. Nominate 10 bloggers. Ensure that they are aware of their nomination. Neither the award’s creator nor the blogger that nominated you can be nominated.
At the end of 2021, every blog that ping-backs the creator’s original post will be entered to win the 2021 Outstanding Blogger award.
Questions + Answers:
If your life was a movie, what would the title be? – The Pitfalls of Romance.
What’s your favorite song of all time? -My favourite songs change according to my mood but I keep adding Counting Stars by OneRepublic to every playlist I make. I love singing along to it too.
Handwrite or type? – I prefer writing on paper with a blue/black pen. Typing is reserved for venting on a Word document that I can just delete.
What are three things you can’t live without? -My glasses, music and pen+paper.
Do you believe in telepathy? -Yes!
When have you felt your biggest adrenaline rush? -Bungee jumping when I was little or when talking to a person I like, heheh.
If there was no internet, do you think the world would be better or worse? -Better when it comes to mental health, I think.
Nominations: (these are some blogs that I absolutely love reading and hope they answer my questions!)
1. Movies or books? 2. A piece of advice that you live by… 3. What mythical creature would you want to be and why? 4. Do you play an instrument? 5. What’s your favourite food item to order but not cook? 6. Are you more of a homebody or a wanderer? 7. Do you believe in horoscopes?
sheilded from the crowd among trees and the shrubs, it’s a privilege to be sitting by the lake thinking about you, next to me or in theory, where we used to look happy.
now i feel the breeze on my skin where i used to feel you, i tell my secrets to the waves, the ones i never told you.
when i leave, i hope i know myself better, when i leave, i hope you decode my love letter.
even if you don’t, atleast now i’m free.
It all started when I had some regrets about my future. Cheers to you for sticking around after that! The feminist part of me went on vacation there for a while. I’m done being all hashtag heartbreak. Let’s refill our glasses with awesome drinks now (milk, if you’re underage) and write about all things that are beautiful in this world. Or atleast try to!
I have a distorted view of the world, I want you to smoothen it out, Crawl into my spine and straighten it out. No one has my back, not even me, I want you to hug me and not leave.
I’ve fed my hands to the worms that live in my pocket, I can’t hold you. I don’t know if I can handle your touch on my skin, I already feel you too much in my bones.
I can’t find my footing, My knees get weak when I have to speak about you, My heart bottoms out when I imagine a world without you.
I want you to travel to my brain and give me some perspective. I want you to rest on my tongue and vocal cords, So I can let you out like a scream, As a final catharsis.
you weren’t there today either, and i know in due time, i’ll have to let that idea go, it won’t be easy as incorporated into your essence is an essential part of me that believes in being happy.
before you go, just give me a sign. will i ever be okay? you made me so sad, i’m unsure of it. will you ever walk into my life again and not away? you were my best muse yet, as it didn’t hurt as much as it used to.
tell me, i will take your word for it and not twist it, i promise i’ll not misinterpret it.
So before you go, Let me know If I can follow.
Thank you for reading everyone. This is my 150th post on this blog. I’m elated about reaching that number. Thank you for your support, I appreciate it so much. I swear, your encouragement makes me a better writer. Much love.❤️
you were there with me to all the places i’d been,
i used to be disappointed by anyone that wasn’t you,
i thought you were the most fascinating and interesting little thing.
My horoscope said that writing too many amateur poetry pieces about one person, will not increase my chances of getting noticed by them especially due to the covid-19 restrictions. And I couldn’t agree more.
I also think that it decreases the probability of accidentally bumping into them at the nearby grocery store. I’m glad that the stars and my brain are in alignment today.
Thank you for stopping by my little corner on the internet. I hope you decide to stay! I’m Aarushi and obviously-going-through-something. ❤️
Ingrained on my skin were seeds of flowers that you sowed, But they took weeks, months, To grow.
I was waiting for nature to take its effect, I was waiting for something to bloom, But the reality of you was like a shadow looming over them, And now I’m starting to see the flaws about their placement.
I’d rather be wrong about everything else, Than be wrong about you, But I don’t think I’ll get that chance, And I’ll be fighting against myself and common sense.
A glimmer of hope takes over me, And of that, I still can’t let go. You’re this daydream of an unkempt garden I keep dreaming, But can never visit. I know you’re not real, For ghosts to even exist, shouldn’t I first feel something?
(Bouquets haunt me when I sleep!)
Hey, guys. This piece was like therapy for me or like a shower of rain we wait for on hot, humid, sad, bad days. The part in brackets was meant to be funny, I don’t know if that translated well or not. Even though I’ve definitely felt my feelings the last few weeks, I couldn’t get them down on paper. Maybe I spent all of my creative energy into daydreaming, MAYBE.
Recently, it’s been like someone put my sense of self in a mortar and pestle-d the hell out of it. So ending this with a question felt fitting.
Alternative title: You’re starting to fade and that’s okay
on the phone, you sound like you’re underwater, sometimes i want to jump in the pool with you, or drag you out of the ocean before the tides can swallow you.
in reality, i’m stuck on the other end, trying to tell you that i just missed you.
i’m always nearly at the parking lot, as you drive away, almost at the elevator, as the doors shut in my face.
you’re the bane of my existence. maybe not the true love i longed for, but the only one i can relate to.
when it comes to you then, why do i feel so deeply misunderstood?
Progressed from Adventure to this. Hope you like it! Thank you for reading.💕
I have jumped, so the next step in this quest of mine is to be seen. 😂 I’ll keep everyone posted on how that goes!
maybe i’ll find you in my memories of the ferris wheel. the first time i sat in that cold metal box, kept warm by a crocheted scarf, i was dizzy and when i felt my pulse, it was erratic, i held on to my seat tightly, but the ascent and descent made me ecstatic.
i’ll keep looking and my mind will be all over the place.
i’ll find you in my worst fears where you’re a shapeshifter,
in my grief where you’re the one pouring buckets of water on me,
or in the wild moments where i can hear you scream and let go.
maybe i’ll try to fit you in a drawer where i keep the stolen moments or hide my past, but i’ll rummage and damage everything, and i won’t find you.
you’re not for keeping, you know it too. you were long gone and i was soul-searching, no wonder why it all became empty.
do you have a room in your house where you keep the lovely things that are cherished but b r o k e n by accident or on purpose to signify your materialism but with a sentimental value attached to them beyond the 4th dimension?
(there might be incomplete pieces of board games from your childhood that hide the wear and tear you had to bear.
there might be shards of glass from your favourite vase that you threw at the wall in frustration but cried about later.
or there might be gifts in there from friends you used to know but don’t fit your life anymore, as they don’t match the decor.)
i don’t want to camouflage you into anything i make,
for a change.
but just by writing this, you know i can’t.
So this reminded of the pieces I used to write when I was just starting out, I don’t know if that’s a good thing or bad. Probably the former, even though it’s a little abrupt.
so i gaze out the window of this first floor café.
a squirrel munches on an orange flower for it’s lunch,
sparrows play hide and seek in the vines that traverse the lawn,
people filter in and out.
a gentleman in a tweed jacket smokes his cigarette,
after two more, he opens the door and warmth escapes the room.
you’re picking out tomatoes from your salad,
my fork and spoon lay untouched.
i pick up my knife and cut the cutlet i ordered in two,
put the half on your plate,
and muster up the courage to say, “I need a break.”
you look relieved but don’t say a word.
I’m the spectator in this story, sitting in the corner with a cup of coffee. I tried to narrate what the person was witnessing in that state of mind via metaphors and subtle signs she was picking up in the room as she asked for what she wanted.
i’ve bet on a winning horse. i’ve played high stakes poker with a royal flush. the slots aren’t fun, and whenever that little wheel spins, it lands on your lucky number, and then i remember you. can’t you see i’m bored? these are games of involuntary solitude. you know i’ll give up all of them, if you glance at my table like you used to.
ii
who cares what cards we’ve been dealt, i just want you hold them and sit there. you have such a sweet tell when i call your bluff, your eyes turn left and you smirk. you look pretty enough for me to paint in excruciating detail. i wish i had some memories to guide my brush, if i can ever find the right colours. the world is one painting short and i care very much.
roulette
(the title twenty one is another name for blackjack, and the attached image is a royal flush from poker)
*interested in this stuff from a mathematical point of view only*
This year has been one long day, And if it’s just us, All the moments blur into one.
Our unresolved issues, My unmet expectations And fights I surfeit, Compress the space I desperately want, From the thoughts I don’t really need.
Just when I think we are past that, Chaos begets chaos, And with a vengeance, Our old habits resurface to polarize new beginnings, Into what’s worth and not.
We fall back on wasted memories like memorabilia, Hang on tight to albums and dog-eared novellas. Remnants of words that were once said, Remain tessellated on tinted windows, And echo in the close chambers through which we see the future.
This is about how our own fears and negative thoughts can be suffocating for us. I posted this last year but it felt gloomy back then. Still does, but I think my perspective and the connection to this piece has changed.
Hey guys! I was thinking about changing my blog theme. I thought about updating it on New year’s day but I got sick then, and with February approaching, today is the day! I’ve been on WordPress for 2 years now, yay! I made this blog to keep me motivated to write and it’s done just that.
Thank you everyone for your support. The upcoming cheesy rhyme is for you all.
I’m not the best at maths, But I’m happy with these booming stats. I’m not good with numbers, but I’m really grateful to the 300 followers.
& i needed poetry to prove that i am alive, you sauntered in like my time was yours, to survive your lackluster life.
letter by letter, words emerged, and a sentence that read, “i am fine.” the dictionary lost its magnitude there for a while.
my inkpot was leaking, the truth was intimidating, you diffused yourself into my desultory rhyme.
I love songs that are a bit sad but sound happy, like a melancholic kaleidoscope. I wrote this about the people and other works of art that inspire me.
you look like poetry, everyone told you, but then i came along & felt it too.
they said you were special like their favourite song. travelling with my headphones on, i never listened to the whispers around, but then you stood in front of me & i could hear them clearly.
you wrote to me that i should write down what you tell me, your thoughts are like lyrics, filled with profundity. it was the most pretentious thing, but then i heard you sing.
I used to dress up in grey and black, But you saw me like I was wearing red. Maybe it was your whole world view, My favourite colours were good enough for you.
I loved the beauty around me when no one expected me to, If I tried to and I would, I can put on new shades of a different hue.
they’re filled with pebbles i picked off the ground.
it’s a bias i love to carry.
they’re covered in sunset hues and pink cotton candy clouds, tied with branches that intertwine and grow around town.
why do i put my home in my pocket and take it with me wherever i go?
just to rearrange it when i’m alone or for when i’ve taken off my coat.
why do i make everything about me?
my own my home my decorations
my scars that won’t heal my flowers that keep on dying.
i’m in every photo i see.
all the shelves are full,
i don’t have any space left on me for a gift store.
things are never going to go back to normal, i’ve really got to stop my crying.
but then
why can’t i do anything…
-aarushi (i kind of love how this one turned out. it’s ten days late, i know i know. happy new year everybody. hope you all are settling into it well, best wishes, much love 🎀)
Maintain a balance between the amount of crazy you make the world and then the amount it makes you.
You never get enough of what you don’t really want.
Don’t take water soluble vitamins i.e. B complex and C with diuretics like coffee.
If you can’t spend money on presents, DIY stuff. I can’t believe you didn’t think of this before.
Don’t get caught up in the drama of a story. Try to understand the meaning behind it. It’s not ‘things that happened’ as they’re always more than that.
Accept what you don’t know.
It’s not about the food but the people you share it with.
Don’t keep your clothes in a room that has windows. You’ll never change there. Just saying.
You can’t care about everything.
instead of being harsh on myself this year, i wrote down some snippets of advice for my future self. some of them are very specific or annoyingly vague or plain obvious, but i hope they serve as a reminder to you to be kind to yourself too.
Empty rooms aren’t so, I feel you here, Even as you go. I’ve always wanted to grow, Into so much more. When I find what I’m looking for, I wouldn’t know. I’m not clear about what I miss, But aware that something is missing, From my life, From our lives, That aren’t worth leading, As they feel shallow.
All that time when we were walking, I wanted to hold your hand in mine, As your warmth would have been anchoring, That day, I thought I was going to fly away.
It’s been a tough year and there’s nothing holding me here, You’ve got a home, not me, I’m always standing in the shade, I swear, the overhead canopy just wants me to leave.
The cold air doesn’t freeze my feet, I’m known to never quit a good deal, But I plan to make a major move Do you have a reason for me to stay? I don’t have a lot left to prove.
Maybe this road remembers me, Maybe the grass is rooting for us, But apart from you, I don’t exist, And I know that’s not good, So I’m trying not to drown in self-pity, I want to catch you up on everything, Because if not with you, I don’t belong in this city.
When you don’t tell me about your day, I’m afraid I won’t be welcomed to stay, You’ll not ask me the questions,, I’ll never find answers to, There will be silence between us once again.
When you move on from this life, To the bigger places you dream about, And I’m still unhappy with my life, There won’t be love in the air or you here next to me.
It took us this long to get somewhere, Every choice I make or chances I don’t take, They feel like the death of me.
With your speed, you run away from me With your strength, you drive an axe between us With your humour, you tell me you’re trying With your power, you tell me you’re better off With your control, you tell me I’ve got it all wrong.
With your actions, I sense that it’s the end of a bittersweet saga.
I might spend my life running away from people like me, But thanks to you, I learnt to share, If I take the blame when you put it, It has to be 50/50 Before we part ways.
So with my determination, I put this all behind me.
thank you Wardah for nominating me for this. you’re an amazing writer and i am just mesmerized by how you put together such simple yet alluring poems. to everyone reading this, check out her blog, it’s so worth it. get to know her more through her q/a posts. read her poetry, she’s so talented.
Rules
Display the award logo on your blog.
Thank the blogger who nominated you and provide a link to their blog.
Answer 5 questions from the blogger who nominated you.
Nominate 10 – 20 bloggers.
Notify your nominees by leaving a comment on their blog.
Ask your nominees 5 questions of your choice, including 1 weird or funny question.
Share the link to your best post.
3 facts about me:
i am studying dentistry. if not this, i would have studied zoology.
i love reading, painting, dancing etc. even though i rarely make time for these things and end up writing most of the times.
i love jokes but i take everything too seriously.
My best post:
all of my posts here are very close to my heart and personal to some degree. i recently completed a 100 posts here, so out of that if i had to pick my favourite, it would be: Hearsay
What was the best day of your life so far? -that would be when i went to a wildlife sanctuary with my family and i got to spend the whole day there, just looking at the biodiversity.
What’s the most important thing COVID-19 taught you? -self-reliance, i am still learning that even after 6 months of this solitude.
If you had to spend one day as an inanimate object, what would you choose and why? -i would be a clock on a good day. those days where time flies by but you still remember every moment. you look at the clock wishing there was more time left. that clock would be me, i’d want someone to look at me that way. even inanimate objects have some life to them, so yeah. i probably don’t make any sense.
Have you ever almost died? If so, share your story! -once i crossed the road too fast and just milliseconds later a car rushed behind me. i was so scared. the light was green for pedestrians, i didn’t see it coming.
Do you believe aliens exist? -they have to, okay? they have to. life only existing on earth is too lonely of a concept. biology is just too amazing to not to be applicable universally.
nominees (i have nominated some people i would love to read more content from, i hope you all answer these questions, i know i am excited to read the answers)
who is your favorite person in this world and why?
what did you want to be when you grow up?
do you love fiction? if so, why?
what is a good habit you’re proud of repeating?
what mythical creature would you want to be and why?
If you’re new here, welcome! I am Aarushi and I write poetry. Check out the post I mentioned here and other recent ones. Don’t forget to send some love Wardah’s way too. Thanks so much for reading!