transforming tissues into manageable issues
That’s how you were made,
strong enough to withstand my waves.
This is how I was made,
weak enough to fall to my knees
but not weak enough to stay down.
You’ll never crumble
and I promised myself I wouldn’t cry again.
That’s how you were made,
is that why you never fell for me?
Write a 100 books
Wrote a 100 poems.
Bring you coffee
Bring you the sea.
Time travel, fix all my mistakes
Unravel, I wouldn’t ever do it again.
It’s the kind of love I’d remember forever
Knowing we weren’t meant to be together.
I left my love for you at the beach,
But then the waves came,
The sea lapped at my feet.
Low tide left like you did,
High tide felt like I did.
I caved,
And so
I think I brought a piece with me.
burn burn burn
we should let the fire take it’s course
don’t douse the flames.
the spark in me keeps you warm
the spark in you was what I loved all along.
you’re a natural
but just this once
try a little hard.
they say to fight fire with fire
but you should fight on my side dear.
tame tame tame
you should try to take control
before the wildfire sets everything ablaze.
-Aarushi
this could have been a war
but no, i wanted a love story.
i couldn’t have been your understudy
when my line said “love conquers all things”
and you read “i don’t understand this part at all.”
i wanted you in all the shades they make these days
give you the patchwork quilt i made
tell you all the things that could’ve left you guessing
and thought that would’ve lead to some chemistry.
but the best way to make a fire is to leave the sparks be
even if it’s rainy.
i never understood that until i tried to fix you
when you weren’t even broken by me.
i wanted you so much, no wonder my life felt lacking
i needed you so much, no wonder i lost myself when it counted.
yeah, at this point it’s all confusing to me too. happy reading?
if you had made a mess or painted the sky pink
i was the first person you showed it to
you used to ask if the shades were complementary
or if you coloured in the lines okay
where did that go
From all the pieces I wrote here, this beautiful mess was formed. Had to crane my neck every which way to read the words but totally worth it. This is probably my favourite part of New Year’s Eve.
All those warnings and we still make a mess.
Can’t really be dreaming about crashing into you
And also worrying about your safety.
He said hello, just to be polite.
Tell me your tables turn for me,
And then maybe I’ll take a seat.
In the most dramatic sense,
Don’t tell me that my love for you was the death of us.
Is this how it ends? Seriously? I look for you in every crowd even when I know you’re out of town.
On every TV screen, I see you playing all the parts. Did I make it too much about me? Is that why this is ending.
i used to be the girl spinning around you like you were sun
but when my days turned into nights
and on winter days you gave no warmth or light
of course, i stopped.
Out of 84600 frames in my life, one would be yours.
In your life, when the reel plays, sometimes the camera doesn’t even capture me.
How is it fair that roads don’t intersect where you and I can meet?
Why do I always lose a game you refuse to play?
Isn’t falling for you a cruel deal I’ve been dealt when I can’t even show you my cards?
You’re my favourite movie but you, the actor, don’t even know I exist, watching in the audience.
I’ll travel back in time to give you damage that ultimately brings you to me…
Irresistibly
Irrevocably
Indefinitely.
I trust everyone,
But I don’t trust you.
(with my feelings)
I don’t like anyone,
But I like you.
(not as a friend)
This is me, before I change completely.
I feel like I’ve known you all my life,
When we’ve only just met.
I need to get better at pretending,
Because sometimes when I see you I forget
…You don’t know me yet.
Fate isn’t the problem,
We are.
My heart’s in the right place,
Beating outside my body.
Is that where it’s supposed to be?
All the blood must have rushed to your head,
It left your heart empty.
We were at an impasse
When you said
I’d rather get ruined by love than this loneliness.
-Aarushi
a restaurant at the end of the world with you
a gorgeous view
no pressure
that’ll do
that will be a love that’s true.
Thank you for reading.
I was happy to see you,
so I said hello to someone else when you were in earshot.
Did the same thing when I wanted to say goodbye for good.
You never asked how I got through it all but I wanted you to be proud of me,
even a little happy for me because of the days I’ve had,
even when I said it to them
I really hope you heard.
I wanted you to know that I was swimming upstream with all I had in me,
To get to hold your hand.
Hey you illuminated celestial rock,
tell me what it’s like to be there for a million years,
I’m very new here.
Tell me what it was like when the ground I walk on now was just molten lava,
tell me stories of mankind before it even existed.
I long to know something no else does,
right now I know nothing.
If I tell you my secrets,
will you tell me how The Great Wall of China looks from there?
Is it sad and alone like you?
Please share my secrets with some other person in the future,
tell them I existed.
Carry this feeling,
I feel the heaviness of all the people that looked at you
and took nights for granted,
I don’t want to do that anymore.
A very special piece this week!
after my teenage dreams,
my puppy love wasted on you,
only adoration prevails, like an echo.
my mistakes,
my mad love reminiscent,
he’s not unlike you.
only himself when it’s just us two,
hiding in front of me,
smashing the rearview.
looks past me when we cross paths,
running his hands through my hair,
but never in a crowded room.
thanks to him,
now i finally think of doom,
when i think of you.
-wasn’t it naïve to think that
i could have been happy
with either of them.
Disclaimer: I would never hurt an innocent piano. I’m just being dramatic.
we exist in clandestine corners of this city
that still whisper to me when i walk by.
when i saw you out there
i could’ve clashed some cymbals
or thrown a piano off the stairs
just so you look past the smoke and mirrors
and notice the obvious signals.
you say when i’m like this
(bitter as flower petals and chlorophyll in leaves,
lying through my teeth like a thief,
red as a bruise that swelled,
fragile like the mosaic floor made from eggshells around me)
because i don’t love anyone or anything
but how can that be true
when i’m like this only
when i’m asking you to love me more.
when i think you don’t love me enough.
this confession begs the question: is that something you’re ready for?
i could be your diamond in the rough.
(that you can keep,
that’s reflective,
and never breaks)
it’s a promise, on a two-way street.
i’m tired of thinking love conquers all.
Because you’re running in circles,
I’m hopeful I’ll catch you someday,
I might be a tangent passing by,
But we’ll meet at a point,
And if you let me,
We can change your trajectory,
And not be bound by geometry.
Don’t be such a
rhombicosidodecahedron with me,
Leave your edges at the door,
We’re two shapes that fit perfectly. Don’t you see?
I was reading something mathematical and got bored, so I wrote this. It’s related to the last post about puzzle pieces and geometry in a very abstract sense. Also, it made me think about going in circles. How those circles turn into spirals and we can’t seem to get out of them. This has a very ‘i will save you/some superhero’ vibe to it and I hope it does save a certain someone, hehe.
Thank you for stopping by. Glad to have this intersection. Have a great weekend ahead! (:
If I’m
Yours
And
A secret
Then I’ll be two pieces of a puzzle at once
Is that a lot to ask for?
To be the secret you know.
When my wishes
daydreams
and longing
turned into something tangible
there you were, with her
why did you have to break my heart on such a beautiful day?
When I read between the lines,
They said, it’s not over.
But then we stopped dancing,
Tell me, did they lie?
beautiful spots
A little caterpillar on a big oak tree,
Falling in love with the hide and see,
(finding the best spot for shade,
blending in with the bark, making a small mark).
Turning over a new leaf
Or at least trying, adding belief.
Tumbling from branches, hitting the ground,
Life’s great adventure lies in playing around.
(No creature could have been stiller
when it came to pursuing the big dreams)?
Inching to crawl,
Hearing the call,
(Beyond words and thoughts, it was coming)
Something so deep,
A cry to evolve, a deafening weep.
(A dance within, change was looming in place).
With another slither,
The cocoon whispered, “come hither”
Everything became s l o w,
Sky and sight disappeared.
(All was blank, in this blanket’s show).
over time
Hugging its skin like gentle fluff,
The cocoon became soothing,
Breaking the warmth, becoming rough,
Cold air brushed the new body – blooming.
Like a flower that came to life,
Testing its wings like they were petals,
The butterfly took a flight,
A new world went into view,
The flapping wings appeared blue,
Something ineffable, only divine,
As if nothing could take away its sun-kissed shine,
It floated over the trees,
Tasting nature’s nectar, finally free.
Ready to make another leap,
Fear started to weep.
The adrenaline of truly being alive,
Was such a magical dive.
Something inside was afraid fear would arrive,
But through a smile of the eyes,
And a breath of love,
So many more surprises
Awaited these wings delicately above.
Ace + Aarushi
Thank you Ace for doing this collaboration! I took my sweet time with it, so thank you for being so patient.
Thank you for reading! Hope you liked it ❤️
if I say the right words in a pre-determined order,
I know I can change your mind.
I’ve done that before,
watched it happen like a using weapon.
the hard part for me right now
is making up my own mind about what is not even a choice,
while the clock is running I can’t take up too much time again.
it’s now or never,
because if don’t make it when I still can,
the indecision will haunt me forever.
-what can I tell myself to make this process faster?
incessantly
I threw a ball against the wall you’d become.
brought in heavy machinery to atleast tear it down.
you told me home is where you were
and I took that to my heart.
the closer, the closer I got
no place came in sight
only obstacles did.
when I exhausted myself
I drew graffiti
the best one I could
and turned my back to you
I never thought I would
but
I really needed to go home.
a home.
I just don’t know where yet.
a hand that you used to hold tight
and knew like yours
felt the strength of
traced the lines of, front and back
slipped from your fingers
like sand
like time
it’s too late now
to get it back
because you doubted,
suspected
that it wasn’t holding you
but that it was
holding you back.
(I amuse myself with wordplay, heh)
don’t think too much about the past or your life, love
time moves forward,
the world moves too fast,
you’ll exhaust yourself catching up.
instead
paint whatever you can,
and write whatever you can’t recall.
do what you want,
like it’s the only system that matters
at the end of the day.
fret not.
Some mid-week motivation even if it’s only Tuesday today. Happy reading!
(Found the attached photo on WeHeartIt website.)
this finding myself
part should not be this hard as
I am just right here.
have a wonderful weekend. see ya next week! (:
how the curves and the shadows and the colours
came together as skin and bones,
and then there you were.
I left the canvas blank, just for you.
Thank you so much for 400+ followers!
I mean it, I do
I do love you.
I love you like…
(like a kid loves a flower and tends to it
who waits for it to bloom but then plucks it.
like a middle-aged woman
who tries to decorate her empty nest
but donates the extra furniture
to get rid of all that emptiness.
like an octogenarian knitting new sweaters with her shaking fingers and fading memory
by unraveling wool from old ones.)
…you think I do.
for everyone, it’s different
sometimes love can become a weakness.
the problem is you love me now
for a wildness that can not be tamed.
you love me in your spilling youth
and right now
even though I’ll never let you see it
all I have is me
right now I can’t share what’s left.
Hope you like this starry sky and the meaning behind the caption.
Also there’s two shooting stars here, QUICK, make a wish.
Thank you for reading, catch ya later!
it wasn’t like that before,
the thorns on her bleeding heart were new.
he gave her roses,
she put them in her favourite vase,
but like all good things that made her feel special,
the flowers wilted too soon.
the petals formed patterns on the floor,
and the wind blew them away,
nothing remained.
she wore her heart on her sleeve
and kept the arteries in her pocket.
when it was time to throw out the stems and the grungy water,
she got pin-pricks all over her,
stained her perfectly dry-cleaned shirt.
it was a tale as old as time,
as she tried to love someone worlds apart.
that’s how she ended up with a badly stung heart.
(The title worst-stung heart is from a prose piece by Mary Oliver in her book Upstream. Due to copyrights, I don’t know if I can include that here.)
Oh dear because I wrote this at 5 AM and with my limited, groggy vocabulary at the time, it turned into a tongue twister. Happy reading!
I don’t do what I say
or mean what I do,
so what does it mean
when I say
I want something to do with you?
there’s a lot to say,
how will you ever know,
if I never tell you.
if you’re reading this,
please feel free
to make it all about you.
after all,
it’s you that I’m writing to,
each word brings me closer to
you.
My apologies for that weird little riddle. Yours sincerely, Aarushi.💟
Crystal clear glass panes gazing back at her with empty eyes, the concrete jungle bustles by whilst her lonesome spirit dies.
Reaching out for the reflective barrier in front of her, a certain numbness travels through her fingertips and makes its way to her soul; dimming the tolerance for mindless city chatter in a flourescent flickering that never sleeps.
Discontent reverberated through her cells, well-versed with the heedless world. Restlessness of the hive and way of life shadowed now, behind her. Cotton-candy clouds underneath, the plane wings splitting through a canopy of white to unveil itself as the thick atmosphere dissipates. Lowering and lowering, the plane wings glide through foreign tree tops, a green she had not yet been blessed to witness.
Stepping into the rustic air, the concrete on which her heels tap reminds her of the past heavier than the luggage she carries on her arm.
From one transport vehicle to the next, she makes her way to the hills. Entranced by the viridescent shimmer of conifers and sprouting weeds, from the pocket of her jeans, she swaps her hand to trace the rough exterior of the trees. None of the city maps could have led her here but she’ll need one to leave. Is that what it’s like to be free?
She lost herself betwixt ever changing leaves, heady among the trees. She wept joyously beneath the wild skies as she saw the stars shining brightly. They shone and debuted stories of ancient times. She pinched herself, she could not live an ordinary life with an undisclosed universe camouflaged from her eyes.
Towing her luggage she knew they wondered why she left, to her but an alien, to them an alien species to her. In this clearing she knew that they were not sharing light, the glaring hive was sharing fears.
– Amber + Aarushi (the Concrete Jungle Liberation squad)
Thank you so much for reading! Writing this was such a great experience, we hope you like this as much as we do. REM-AMBER that Love is the answer!
You whisper sweet somethings to me when I’m weak,
You do the talking for me when I can’t speak.
The thought of you keeps me company,
I find comfort even in your critique.
Your soul upon mine,
Melds into something unique.
What if love is more than emotions in its entirety?
Maybe love is more than you and me entirely?
The music of your aura is the answer,
The force behind my smile, the dreamy dancer.
You’re still with me no matter my imperfection,
It’s the beauty in the way you stay for my protection.
Maybe we’ll meet in some other dimension,
For now, you’re just my reflection.
Standing in the mirror, revealing who I should be
And loving this version that I see.
I am whole, you were my missing peace,
I see you in me, I hear you within.
Anchor your heart here and leave it down,
You’ll always be there if I ever start to drown.
– Ace + Aarushi (the dreamy dancers)
I’m so excited to present this COLLABOR-ACE-TION with the one and only, Ace.
We had such a fun time writing this, hope you liked it too. Thank you so much for reading!
When someone tells me,
“You can cry if you want to,”
Why do I absolutely do?
I’m so used to jumping over the puddles
After heavy rain
That I forget to remember it’s good to talk to someone.
Or I’m used to soaking up the waterfall on my own
With a veil of borrowed happiness
That I fail to notice I’m not alone.
-Someone’s home
The world breaks at night, my promises never do,
I would put myself on the line, break the curfew.
I whispered, “I adore you.”
“I don’t need that,” he laughed at me,
At this hour, it’s too late to argue.
Even before coming here, I knew I finally found someone,
My emotional support daydream,
My strength to swim upstream.
I overthink, he says he gets me.
I run away from my problems, so does he.
-ISN’T THAT LOVELY?
because i think it’s beautiful,
my heart rests on you like dew on grass in the morning.
i think you’re my grounding,
no one else has that effect.
-hang in there
what should have made me feel free
tied me down with the absence of it.
what should have been an avenue for me to explore
made me feel like i didn’t have a home.
what would have been more room for me to grow
made me feel small and out of place.
what should have been a reminder about living
made me feel hopeless day after day.
what would have been a dream
became distracting.
the blank spaces
the craters
the distance
the indecision
i let it make me feel empty.
the only lesson that i have to learn from you
is about putting myself first
and being better than your worst.
the rest can just be poetry.
like two lonely souls,
we held hands and tried to dance,
but it made our fingers bleed.
tugging at my heartstrings,
you took the music right out of me.
o n e by o n e
as each string broke,
it played A sour note
and both of us fell to our knees
from the sheer force.
<end show>
I was caught in the rain, if only you had been too.
I wished for you on falling raindrops, only if you did too.
sometimes I can taste you in the calm before a storm,
my soul gets pelted every season,
it’s such a shame when it pours and you’re not around.
(i mean well by the water)
is it the blue of the water, the skies or your eyes that i love,
i don’t know.
but i know when i’m not swimming in the water with you,
i remember what a mess i really am.
-just another fish
Hey everyone. This post is brought to you by Ace. I want to thank him for thinking of me and nominating me for this award. He’s an amazing-awesome-fearless person, a talented writer and an inspiration. If you like poetry, check out his blog! His poems have such an uplifting message of hope and self-love, which I love very much!
Rules are rules are rules:
Questions + Answers:
Nominations: (these are some blogs that I absolutely love reading and hope they answer my questions!)
Cait
reindeershermaine
inexhaustiblemuse
Navneet Kumar
Nathi
Rachel
M
My enquiries for the aforementioned people:
1. Movies or books?
2. A piece of advice that you live by…
3. What mythical creature would you want to be and why?
4. Do you play an instrument?
5. What’s your favourite food item to order but not cook?
6. Are you more of a homebody or a wanderer?
7. Do you believe in horoscopes?
Thank you for reading!
sheilded from the crowd among trees and the shrubs,
it’s a privilege to be sitting by the lake thinking about you,
next to me or in theory,
where we used to look happy.
now
i feel the breeze on my skin where i used to feel you,
i tell my secrets to the waves, the ones i never told you.
when i leave, i hope i know myself better,
when i leave, i hope you decode my love letter.
even if you don’t, atleast now i’m free.
It all started when I had some regrets about my future. Cheers to you for sticking around after that! The feminist part of me went on vacation there for a while. I’m done being all hashtag heartbreak. Let’s refill our glasses with awesome drinks now (milk, if you’re underage) and write about all things that are beautiful in this world. Or atleast try to!
I have a distorted view of the world, I want you to smoothen it out,
Crawl into my spine and straighten it out.
No one has my back, not even me,
I want you to hug me and not leave.
I’ve fed my hands to the worms that live in my pocket,
I can’t hold you.
I don’t know if I can handle your touch on my skin,
I already feel you too much in my bones.
I can’t find my footing,
My knees get weak when I have to speak about you,
My heart bottoms out when I imagine a world without you.
I want you to travel to my brain
and give me some perspective.
I want you to rest on my tongue and vocal cords,
So I can let you out like a scream,
As a final catharsis.
Atleast that was what I wanted.
you weren’t there today either,
and i know in due time, i’ll have to let that idea go,
it won’t be easy as incorporated into your essence is an essential part of me
that believes in being happy.
before you go, just give me a sign.
will i ever be okay?
you made me so sad, i’m unsure of it.
will you ever walk into my life again and not away?
you were my best muse yet,
as it didn’t hurt as much as it used to.
tell me, i will take your word for it and not twist it,
i promise i’ll not misinterpret it.
So before you go,
Let me know
If I can follow.
Thank you for reading everyone. This is my 150th post on this blog. I’m elated about reaching that number. Thank you for your support, I appreciate it so much. I swear, your encouragement makes me a better writer. Much love.❤️
then: Anywhere but here
now: you were there
you were there with me to all the places i’d been,
i used to be disappointed by anyone that wasn’t you,
i thought you were the most fascinating and interesting little thing.
My horoscope said that writing too many amateur poetry pieces about one person, will not increase my chances of getting noticed by them especially due to the covid-19 restrictions. And I couldn’t agree more.
I also think that it decreases the probability of accidentally bumping into them at the nearby grocery store. I’m glad that the stars and my brain are in alignment today.
Thank you for stopping by my little corner on the internet. I hope you decide to stay! I’m Aarushi and obviously-going-through-something. ❤️
would you ever consider me as someone you knew?
someone you understood as a fellow traveller who too,
had let everything go,
and went with the flow?
Ingrained on my skin were seeds of flowers that you sowed,
But they took weeks, months,
To grow.
I was waiting for nature to take its effect,
I was waiting for something to bloom,
But the reality of you was like a shadow looming over them,
And now I’m starting to see the flaws about their placement.
I’d rather be wrong about everything else,
Than be wrong about you,
But I don’t think I’ll get that chance,
And I’ll be fighting against myself and common sense.
A glimmer of hope takes over me,
And of that, I still can’t let go.
You’re this daydream of an unkempt garden I keep dreaming,
But can never visit.
I know you’re not real,
For ghosts to even exist, shouldn’t I first feel something?
(Bouquets haunt me when I sleep!)
Hey, guys. This piece was like therapy for me or like a shower of rain we wait for on hot, humid, sad, bad days. The part in brackets was meant to be funny, I don’t know if that translated well or not. Even though I’ve definitely felt my feelings the last few weeks, I couldn’t get them down on paper. Maybe I spent all of my creative energy into daydreaming, MAYBE.
Recently, it’s been like someone put my sense of self in a mortar and pestle-d the hell out of it. So ending this with a question felt fitting.
Alternative title: You’re starting to fade and that’s okay
i didn’t come here for you,
i wandered here to find myself,
they say,
if you’re going through hell, keep going,
but maybe we can take a moment,
if you’re up for it,
and introduce ourselves.
-Aarushi
stay with me a little longer,
i don’t want to go back to my own mess,
that awaits me as the road nears home.
before the full impact of reality crashes through me,
as i set down my bags and unpack them,
be my shock absorber.
…what the end of a vacation feels like. Dedicated to nothing in particular but the preservation of that feeling.
what did i want in life so much but didn’t get
that i couldn’t quite move past it
and made it my heaviest regret?
you.
every minute of every month,
in any shape or form,
whether i’m aware of it or not,
i never had you.
i don’t even know how to.
so having said that, are you just going to stand there?
will you ever make the first move?
Plot twist: what if I wrote this about myself?
on the phone, you sound like you’re underwater,
sometimes i want to jump in the pool with you,
or drag you out of the ocean before the tides can swallow you.
in reality, i’m stuck on the other end,
trying to tell you that i just missed you.
i’m
always nearly at the parking lot,
as you drive away,
almost at the elevator,
as the doors shut in my face.
you’re the bane of my existence.
maybe not the true love i longed for,
but the only one i can relate to.
when it comes to you then, why do i feel so deeply misunderstood?
Progressed from Adventure to this. Hope you like it! Thank you for reading.💕
I have jumped, so the next step in this quest of mine is to be seen. 😂 I’ll keep everyone posted on how that goes!
maybe i’ll find you in my memories of the ferris wheel.
the first time i sat in that cold metal box, kept warm by a crocheted scarf,
i was dizzy and when i felt my pulse,
it was erratic,
i held on to my seat tightly,
but the ascent and descent made me ecstatic.
i’ll keep looking and my mind will be all over the place.
i’ll find you in my worst fears where you’re a shapeshifter,
in my grief where you’re the one pouring buckets of water on me,
or in the wild moments where i can hear you scream and let go.
maybe i’ll try to fit you in a drawer where i keep the stolen moments
or hide my past,
but i’ll rummage and damage everything,
and i won’t find you.
you’re not for keeping, you know it too. you were long gone and i was soul-searching, no wonder why it all became empty.
do you have a room in your house where you keep the lovely things
that are cherished but b r o k e n
by accident or on purpose
to signify your materialism
but with a sentimental value attached to them
beyond the 4th dimension?
(there might be incomplete pieces of board games from your childhood that hide the wear and tear you had to bear.
there might be shards of glass from your favourite vase that you threw at the wall in frustration but cried about later.
or there might be gifts in there from friends you used to know but don’t fit your life anymore, as they don’t match the decor.)
no?
i don’t either.
Alternative title: distraught and in denial
i want to paint other people now,
i want to sing songs about someone else now.
you’re in every damn photo i take,
i don’t want to camouflage you into anything i make,
for a change.
but just by writing this, you know i can’t.
So this reminded of the pieces I used to write when I was just starting out, I don’t know if that’s a good thing or bad. Probably the former, even though it’s a little abrupt.
if i am the salt,
then you are the solvent,
i tend to dissolve in
without leaving a trace,
other than a change of taste.
but when you evaporate,
i am still here.
-NaCl
i can’t look at you when you can’t talk to me,
so i gaze out the window of this first floor café.
a squirrel munches on an orange flower for it’s lunch,
sparrows play hide and seek in the vines that traverse the lawn,
people filter in and out.
a gentleman in a tweed jacket smokes his cigarette,
after two more, he opens the door and warmth escapes the room.
you’re picking out tomatoes from your salad,
my fork and spoon lay untouched.
i pick up my knife and cut the cutlet i ordered in two,
put the half on your plate,
and muster up the courage to say, “I need a break.”
you look relieved but don’t say a word.
I’m the spectator in this story, sitting in the corner with a cup of coffee. I tried to narrate what the person was witnessing in that state of mind via metaphors and subtle signs she was picking up in the room as she asked for what she wanted.
i
i’ve bet on a winning horse.
i’ve played high stakes poker with a royal flush.
the slots aren’t fun,
and whenever that little wheel spins, it lands on your lucky number, and then i remember you.
can’t you see i’m bored?
these are games of involuntary solitude.
you know i’ll give up all of them, if you glance at my table like you used to.
ii
who cares what cards we’ve been dealt, i just want you hold them and sit there.
you have such a sweet tell when i call your bluff,
your eyes turn left and you smirk.
you look pretty enough for me to paint in excruciating detail.
i wish i had some memories to guide my brush, if i can ever find the right colours.
the world is one painting short and i care very much.
(the title twenty one is another name for blackjack, and the attached image is a royal flush from poker)
*interested in this stuff from a mathematical point of view only*
I’ll not tell you the water is purple today,
The sky is clear blue and my bleeding heart surfing the waves doesn’t want to invite sharks.
For all you know, I’m okay.
I did not write this while watching Jaws. I didn’t, okay? FYI, it was Jaws 2.
Previous title: Vital
This year has been one long day,
And if it’s just us,
All the moments blur into one.
Our unresolved issues,
My unmet expectations
And fights I surfeit,
Compress the space I desperately want,
From the thoughts I don’t really need.
Just when I think we are past that,
Chaos begets chaos,
And with a vengeance,
Our old habits resurface to polarize new beginnings,
Into what’s worth and not.
We fall back on wasted memories like memorabilia,
Hang on tight to albums and dog-eared novellas.
Remnants of words that were once said,
Remain tessellated on tinted windows,
And echo in the close chambers through which we see the future.
This is about how our own fears and negative thoughts can be suffocating for us. I posted this last year but it felt gloomy back then. Still does, but I think my perspective and the connection to this piece has changed.
with me,
love & longing,
they alternate.
i spoke of men, and saints,
and a parade in the rain,
but that turned into a fatal flaw.
to catch up with my feelings,
i need to be someone,
who creates with pen & paints,
for a while.
Hey guys! I was thinking about changing my blog theme. I thought about updating it on New year’s day but I got sick then, and with February approaching, today is the day! I’ve been on WordPress for 2 years now, yay! I made this blog to keep me motivated to write and it’s done just that.
Thank you everyone for your support. The upcoming cheesy rhyme is for you all.
I’m not the best at maths,
But I’m happy with these booming stats.
I’m not good with numbers, but I’m really grateful to the 300 followers.
& i needed poetry to prove that i am alive,
you sauntered in like my time was yours,
to survive your lackluster life.
letter by letter, words emerged,
and a sentence that read,
“i am fine.”
the dictionary lost its magnitude there for a while.
my inkpot was leaking,
the truth was intimidating,
you diffused yourself into my desultory rhyme.
I love songs that are a bit sad but sound happy, like a melancholic kaleidoscope. I wrote this about the people and other works of art that inspire me.
Thank you so much for reading!
we wait for skylines and silver linings to adorn us
with necklaces strewn with promises
of a golden sunrise.
–but sometimes i want the sun in our hands.
who would understand,
the maze i have built in my mind,
instead of a dreamland.
it’s not endless, per se,
as it ends with me.
i’m the damsel screaming for help,
i’m the saviour that’s saving herself,
i am a little careless, as they say,
but i don’t listen.
what a mess,
isn’t it, babe?
I wrote this in a British accent, strangely, if that makes any sense.
the trees bear no leaves,
like my heart bears no love for you,
but we both know it,
come spring,
i’ll come running,
and you’ll welcome me too.
i’m sorry, the cold gets to me,
you know how it goes.
you look like poetry,
everyone told you,
but then i came along
& felt it too.
they said you were special like their favourite song.
travelling with my headphones on,
i never listened to the whispers around,
but then you stood in front of me
& i could hear them clearly.
you wrote to me that i should write down what you tell me,
your thoughts are like lyrics, filled with profundity.
it was the most pretentious thing,
but then i heard you sing.
you just love to prove me wrong, don’t you?
thank you so much for reading.
yours sincerely,
not-so-diligent-blogger.
I used to dress up in grey and black,
But you saw me like I was wearing red.
Maybe it was your whole world view,
My favourite colours were good enough for you.
I loved the beauty around me when no one expected me to,
If I tried to and I would,
I can put on new shades of a different hue.
You made me like how they feel on me too.
why do i wrap my memories in nostalgia?
they’re filled with pebbles i picked off the ground.
it’s a bias i love to carry.
they’re covered in sunset hues and pink cotton candy clouds, tied with branches that intertwine and grow around town.
why do i put my home in my pocket and take it with me wherever i go?
just to rearrange it when i’m alone or for when i’ve taken off my coat.
why do i make everything about me?
my own
my home
my decorations
my scars that won’t heal
my flowers that keep on dying.
i’m in every photo i see.
all the shelves are full,
i don’t have any space left on me for a gift store.
things are never going to go back to normal,
i’ve really got to stop my crying.
but then
why can’t i do anything…
-aarushi (i kind of love how this one turned out. it’s ten days late, i know i know. happy new year everybody. hope you all are settling into it well, best wishes, much love 🎀)
i made a word cloud in the shape of a heart from the posts on my blog in 2020.
it was just a fun thing to do along with reviewing the stuff i wrote this year.
that’s all from my side for now, folks.
take care, stay safe.
-aarushi
to a friend,
are you okay?
i thought i’d check in
lately you don’t seem like yourself
the spark in your eyes that used to set ablaze the sky seems to have dimmed
you’re making a lot of mistakes and you’re not improving on them like you used to
you don’t even make polite conversation anymore
i know people tend to smile when you falter
but don’t give up
i’m rooting for you
whatever you’re going through, i hope i see you at the end of it all, walking down the hallway, doing fine.
These are some photos, not necessarily taken in December. But what happened when I stopped to smell the roses.
When writing felt like being too much in my head, I clicked photos of what I saw around me or what made feel better that day.
instead of being harsh on myself this year, i wrote down some snippets of advice for my future self. some of them are very specific or annoyingly vague or plain obvious, but i hope they serve as a reminder to you to be kind to yourself too.
You’ll crash into me and I’ll break,
So don’t move, ok?
Stay where you are,
I like the dark so far.
I always light up when I see you anyway.
When I’m out there
Maybe someone will recognise my eyes
And say
Hey, don’t I know you from somewhere?
And then I’ll forget all about you, you were an anomaly of the odds, as we have never again crossed paths, no matter how much I’ve wanted to.
Oh hey, what are the chances we’re both here?
Let me forget about you.
May it remain evergreen,
Our fascination with love,
Falling for someone above and beyond our imagination.
-🌳
Empty rooms aren’t so,
I feel you here,
Even as you go.
I’ve always wanted to grow,
Into so much more.
When I find what I’m looking for,
I wouldn’t know.
I’m not clear about what I miss,
But aware that something is missing,
From my life,
From our lives,
That aren’t worth leading,
As they feel shallow.
-Aarushi
doing what occurs by tendency
i’m well adapted to get lost in a fantasy
or someone else’s carefully constructed story
to feel the love or at least sorry.
i need not worry
autopilot mode will take care of yours truly
monkey do what monkey see
hopefully, that’ll work for me.
-aarushi
here, i’m mocking my tendency to procrastinate
All that time when we were walking,
I wanted to hold your hand in mine,
As your warmth would have been anchoring,
That day, I thought I was going to fly away.
It’s been a tough year and there’s nothing holding me here,
You’ve got a home, not me,
I’m always standing in the shade,
I swear, the overhead canopy just wants me to leave.
The cold air doesn’t freeze my feet,
I’m known to never quit a good deal,
But I plan to make a major move
Do you have a reason for me to stay?
I don’t have a lot left to prove.
Maybe this road remembers me,
Maybe the grass is rooting for us,
But apart from you, I don’t exist,
And I know that’s not good,
So I’m trying not to drown in self-pity,
I want to catch you up on everything,
Because if not with you, I don’t belong in this city.
-Aarushi
you were the poetry
i was waiting for
to happen to me too.
become a flower
become a flower
pretty, fragrant and useful.
be the flower
be the flower
vibrant and graceful.
oh
under such pressure to bloom
to bighten up every room
just to have some attention on you.
I can’t match your rhythm
You know why?
Because all we’ve had are words
And so far, they’re misleading.
.
.
.
A song is music + lyrics. You can dance to a beat without words, but dancing to spoken word? That’s strange.
Is it worth the pain when we’re splitting the difference between our past mistakes?
Learning from them is a long process and we have busy lives with so much to unravel and digest.
How long can that last?
You’re sweet when your words drip honey but it’s sickly in excess.
I can’t tell what’s coming next,
Maybe some people don’t go the distance.
It’s like driving off a cliff amidst the harbingers,
Then the crash is fatal to all riding passengers.
To be continued…
-Aarushi
When you don’t tell me about your day,
I’m afraid I won’t be welcomed to stay,
You’ll not ask me the questions,,
I’ll never find answers to,
There will be silence between us once again.
When you move on from this life,
To the bigger places you dream about,
And I’m still unhappy with my life,
There won’t be love in the air or you here next to me.
It took us this long to get somewhere,
Every choice I make or chances I don’t take,
They feel like the death of me.
-Aarushi
i did not want to hear myself talk today
so i blasted some k-pop through my headphones
and ate a chocolate sundae.
it was not the best choice
but have you heard my voice?
-aarushi
i
miss
you
everytime
i
contradict
myself
or
e x a g g e r a t e
that
i’m
going
through
hell.
I love my secrets as much as I love to talk,
Let’s have some clandestine conversations,
Even if my words only reflect misery,
Or a desperate need for company,
I have so much say.
I’ve only been whispering,
Can anyone hear me?
I’m so sorry,
This is as loud as I can be.
I’d given up my possessions,
I wish you’d know, I needn’t say,
Threadbare, here I lay…
I surrender to your view in my eyes,
My throat and your voice.
We can be in a dreamless land,
No questions asked.
Take my hand,
I want to see what’s out there.
Let’s fly, let’s run away
Then we can finally rest.
Let the world know of our homecoming.
-Aarushi (I like to think of this as a conversation between two people, just making confessions as conversation)
I’m cleaning out my old trophies again
’cause what we had was such a prize.
I ignored the warning signs
To feel like a winner all the time.
They don’t give out medals
For losing control over your own life.
-Aarushi
We’re both doing so much & I’m proud of us.
With your speed, you run away from me
With your strength, you drive an axe between us
With your humour, you tell me you’re trying
With your power, you tell me you’re better off
With your control, you tell me I’ve got it all wrong.
With your actions, I sense that it’s the end of a bittersweet saga.
I might spend my life running away from people like me,
But thanks to you, I learnt to share,
If I take the blame when you put it,
It has to be 50/50
Before we part ways.
So with my determination, I put this all behind me.
-Aarushi (a more direct piece this time)
See ya in October!
thank you Wardah for nominating me for this. you’re an amazing writer and i am just mesmerized by how you put together such simple yet alluring poems. to everyone reading this, check out her blog, it’s so worth it. get to know her more through her q/a posts. read her poetry, she’s so talented.
Rules
3 facts about me:
My best post:
all of my posts here are very close to my heart and personal to some degree. i recently completed a 100 posts here, so out of that if i had to pick my favourite, it would be: Hearsay
nominees (i have nominated some people i would love to read more content from, i hope you all answer these questions, i know i am excited to read the answers)
• Hannah • Modest Motions •Lion’s Roar
questions:
If you’re new here, welcome! I am Aarushi and I write poetry. Check out the post I mentioned here and other recent ones. Don’t forget to send some love Wardah’s way too. Thanks so much for reading!
of pen & paints 