shock absorber (updated)

stay with me a little longer,

i don’t want to go back to my own mess,

that awaits me as the road nears home.

before the full impact of reality crashes through me,

as i set down my bags and unpack them,

be my shock absorber.


…what the end of a vacation feels like. Dedicated to nothing in particular but the preservation of that feeling.

no matter what

what did i want in life so much but didn’t get
that i couldn’t quite move past it
and made it my heaviest regret?

you.

every minute of every month,
in any shape or form,
whether i’m aware of it or not,
i never had you.

i don’t even know how to.

so having said that, are you just going to stand there?

will you ever make the first move?


Plot twist: what if I wrote this about myself?

invisible to you

on the phone, you sound like you’re underwater,
sometimes i want to jump in the pool with you,
or drag you out of the ocean before the tides can swallow you.

in reality, i’m stuck on the other end,
trying to tell you that i just missed you.

i’m
always nearly at the parking lot,
as you drive away,
almost at the elevator,
as the doors shut in my face.

you’re the bane of my existence.
maybe not the true love i longed for,
but the only one i can relate to.

when it comes to you then, why do i feel so deeply misunderstood?


Progressed from Adventure to this. Hope you like it! Thank you for reading.💕

I have jumped, so the next step in this quest of mine is to be seen. 😂 I’ll keep everyone posted on how that goes!

future regrets

maybe i’ll find you in my memories of the ferris wheel.
the first time i sat in that cold metal box, kept warm by a crocheted scarf,
i was dizzy and when i felt my pulse,
it was erratic,
i held on to my seat tightly,
but the ascent and descent made me ecstatic.

i’ll keep looking and my mind will be all over the place.

i’ll find you in my worst fears where you’re a shapeshifter,

in my grief where you’re the one pouring buckets of water on me,

or in the wild moments where i can hear you scream and let go.

maybe i’ll try to fit you in a drawer where i keep the stolen moments
or hide my past,
but i’ll rummage and damage everything,
and i won’t find you.

you’re not for keeping, you know it too. you were long gone and i was soul-searching, no wonder why it all became empty.